Good Friday

I've been feeling a little melancholy this week.  Happens every year around this time.  I grew up in the Catholic church even though both my parents are southern Baptists. I used to attend church with my close family friends whom I called my aunt and uncle and their 2 daughters and I were like sisters.  I remember every year going to mass on Holy Thursday and watching the priest wash 12 parishioners feet and then Good Friday the teens would reenact the stations of the cross.  I was lucky enough when I got older to participate.  And of course, we'd go to Easter Vigil mass on Saturday night and then have a big dance afterward to celebrate easter.  My family never was big on the Easter bunny because to us that wasn't what the meaning of Easter was about.  I've been attending a local community church and I've raised my kids to know the true meaning of Easter.  The Easter bunny doesn't really visit our house, instead we talk about the greatest gift ever.  I start to feel melancholy because I think about how Jesus a sinless man went to the cross for us.  Then I start to think how maybe I don't really deserve that kind of sacrifice.  I'm a sinner.  No matter how hard I try, I sin.  Sure, I don't commit the big sins like murder but in God's eyes any sin is a sin. We can't qualify our sins and try to make ourselves any less of a sinner than someone else because then we start judging and we all know what God says about judging......"Judge not lest you be judged"
I've struggled this week big time.  I feel like a leper in this little town we live in, an outcast.  I've struggled with my +1 this week and her behavior and I've snapped at my 11yo for her attitude towards her brother.  Then I've found myself asking for forgiveness and God's assistance to be a better person.  There's a song by Casting Crowns I've listened to over and over these past few days....."Jesus friend of sinners" I encourage you to listen to it because it speaks volumes about the way we treat each other.  I've played it so much my older kids practically have it memorized trying to get through to them the way they should be treating people regardless of how they are treated.
So, today, was the icing on the cake.  I planned to go to Costco and get some things we needed plus indulge in a little kid free time before I'm a single mom next week and it's a 75 mile trip so I thought I could get some good time in with God and the Christian satellite radio station my car seems to me locked on a lot lately.  Well, I go out to get in the van and my left rear tire is flat.  I'm freaking a little because I know it's a holiday weekend and husband is leaving early Monday morning and I don't want to have to drive his big truck around while he's gone and don't want to deal with trying to fit in time to get the tire fixed plus today is the only day I can get to Costco kid free and be home in time to be here when kids get home.  So, I had a pity party, then husband says he will take van to get it fixed when Mae gets home, I just have to take his car to Costco.  I'm thinking this can work but have to be careful what I buy since I won't have as much room for bulky stuff.  So, I load into his car and off I go.  I should mention first song I hear on the radio......yup Jesus Friend of Sinners.  I get to Costco and I badly timed my trip!  Hello, it's Friday before Easter, and it was 11:30! Everyone was there getting their Easter dinner supplies and looking for free lunch from all the samples.  There were people everywhere, and they camped around every sample station and wouldn't even let people through waiting for the next set of samples to come out.  I decided I was going to avoid trying to sample anything for one because it's Good Friday and even though I don't go to Catholic church any more, I still observe Lent and fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  I will say all the Costco samples were meatless which was kind of nice even though I didn't get any.  I just took my time and tried to get everything on my list and then I felt I needed to head for the exit before I lost my religion! People were just soooooooooo rude and wouldn't move for anyone to get by anywhere.  I head for the checkout line and every line was long but I noticed the lady behind me only had 2 things in her cart while I had a cart full so I told her she could go ahead and check out in front of me.  She thanked me then gets up to check out and I had to wait 5 minutes because she wanted to pay for the stuff her daughter was ordering at the little food counter and she was waiting in line.  I just shook my head and said Ok God! I get it!  Today's lesson was all about patience! I immediately felt peace at that moment.  I enjoyed my nice ride home and husband was kind enough to unload all my purchases for me.
Tonight I will take whatever kids want to go with me to Good Friday service, guaranteed the older 2 because they will be singing in the choir and I will once again marvel at the sacrifice God has given to me and to all us sinners.  And I will try to treat people with love and mercy and not be judgmental, as well as be more Christ-like.  Yes, I am a sinner but Christ died so that even though I sin, I can have eternal life and although I may not feel like I deserve it, God thinks I do.  So I will continue to pray for forgiveness, try to be a better person and be grateful for the ultimate sacrifice given for me.  And Easter Sunday, I will take my kids to church to celebrate the glorious resurrection of Christ Jesus and will spend the day with those I love and God blessed me with and we will have a lovely dinner and play games and be thankful for all we have been blessed with and given.
"Living he loved me, dying he saved me, buried he carried my sins far away, rising he justified freely forever one day he's coming oh glorious day!!!"  Another wonderful Casting Crowns song!