Good Friday

I've been feeling a little melancholy this week.  Happens every year around this time.  I grew up in the Catholic church even though both my parents are southern Baptists. I used to attend church with my close family friends whom I called my aunt and uncle and their 2 daughters and I were like sisters.  I remember every year going to mass on Holy Thursday and watching the priest wash 12 parishioners feet and then Good Friday the teens would reenact the stations of the cross.  I was lucky enough when I got older to participate.  And of course, we'd go to Easter Vigil mass on Saturday night and then have a big dance afterward to celebrate easter.  My family never was big on the Easter bunny because to us that wasn't what the meaning of Easter was about.  I've been attending a local community church and I've raised my kids to know the true meaning of Easter.  The Easter bunny doesn't really visit our house, instead we talk about the greatest gift ever.  I start to feel melancholy because I think about how Jesus a sinless man went to the cross for us.  Then I start to think how maybe I don't really deserve that kind of sacrifice.  I'm a sinner.  No matter how hard I try, I sin.  Sure, I don't commit the big sins like murder but in God's eyes any sin is a sin. We can't qualify our sins and try to make ourselves any less of a sinner than someone else because then we start judging and we all know what God says about judging......"Judge not lest you be judged"
I've struggled this week big time.  I feel like a leper in this little town we live in, an outcast.  I've struggled with my +1 this week and her behavior and I've snapped at my 11yo for her attitude towards her brother.  Then I've found myself asking for forgiveness and God's assistance to be a better person.  There's a song by Casting Crowns I've listened to over and over these past few days....."Jesus friend of sinners" I encourage you to listen to it because it speaks volumes about the way we treat each other.  I've played it so much my older kids practically have it memorized trying to get through to them the way they should be treating people regardless of how they are treated.
So, today, was the icing on the cake.  I planned to go to Costco and get some things we needed plus indulge in a little kid free time before I'm a single mom next week and it's a 75 mile trip so I thought I could get some good time in with God and the Christian satellite radio station my car seems to me locked on a lot lately.  Well, I go out to get in the van and my left rear tire is flat.  I'm freaking a little because I know it's a holiday weekend and husband is leaving early Monday morning and I don't want to have to drive his big truck around while he's gone and don't want to deal with trying to fit in time to get the tire fixed plus today is the only day I can get to Costco kid free and be home in time to be here when kids get home.  So, I had a pity party, then husband says he will take van to get it fixed when Mae gets home, I just have to take his car to Costco.  I'm thinking this can work but have to be careful what I buy since I won't have as much room for bulky stuff.  So, I load into his car and off I go.  I should mention first song I hear on the radio......yup Jesus Friend of Sinners.  I get to Costco and I badly timed my trip!  Hello, it's Friday before Easter, and it was 11:30! Everyone was there getting their Easter dinner supplies and looking for free lunch from all the samples.  There were people everywhere, and they camped around every sample station and wouldn't even let people through waiting for the next set of samples to come out.  I decided I was going to avoid trying to sample anything for one because it's Good Friday and even though I don't go to Catholic church any more, I still observe Lent and fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  I will say all the Costco samples were meatless which was kind of nice even though I didn't get any.  I just took my time and tried to get everything on my list and then I felt I needed to head for the exit before I lost my religion! People were just soooooooooo rude and wouldn't move for anyone to get by anywhere.  I head for the checkout line and every line was long but I noticed the lady behind me only had 2 things in her cart while I had a cart full so I told her she could go ahead and check out in front of me.  She thanked me then gets up to check out and I had to wait 5 minutes because she wanted to pay for the stuff her daughter was ordering at the little food counter and she was waiting in line.  I just shook my head and said Ok God! I get it!  Today's lesson was all about patience! I immediately felt peace at that moment.  I enjoyed my nice ride home and husband was kind enough to unload all my purchases for me.
Tonight I will take whatever kids want to go with me to Good Friday service, guaranteed the older 2 because they will be singing in the choir and I will once again marvel at the sacrifice God has given to me and to all us sinners.  And I will try to treat people with love and mercy and not be judgmental, as well as be more Christ-like.  Yes, I am a sinner but Christ died so that even though I sin, I can have eternal life and although I may not feel like I deserve it, God thinks I do.  So I will continue to pray for forgiveness, try to be a better person and be grateful for the ultimate sacrifice given for me.  And Easter Sunday, I will take my kids to church to celebrate the glorious resurrection of Christ Jesus and will spend the day with those I love and God blessed me with and we will have a lovely dinner and play games and be thankful for all we have been blessed with and given.
"Living he loved me, dying he saved me, buried he carried my sins far away, rising he justified freely forever one day he's coming oh glorious day!!!"  Another wonderful Casting Crowns song!

Back to Reality

I was just out in the barn and Kenny Chesney was on the radio singing about a break from reality. Well, that's exactly what I had last week.  The husband and I took a much needed vacation to Cancun. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort and had a nice week.  While we were there, we enjoyed 3 days of nothing but laying on the beach under an umbrella being served whatever the fruity drink of the day was.  I read 2 books while I was on vacation!  One of the beach days also involved getting massages.  I opted for a deep tissue back massage which was amazing but the poor guy really worked hard to get all my knots out and wasn't able to get them all taken care of but it sure was nice!  Hubs got a full body massage and loved it. He'd never had a massage before and he's already been looking for some good places here in Kansas for massages.  We took 2 sight seeing trips while we were there.  One to a small island which was nice.  Once again, I sat by the pool and relaxed, hubs swam with stingrays and got to see some sharks up close and personal.  We also took a trip to Chichen Itza which is one of the new 7 wonders of the world.  It was an amazing experience and inspired me to learn more about the ancient mayan people.  They were amazing in the way they built their temples and buildings.  I also want to learn spanish now.  I took 4 years of french in high school and spent 1 year abroad in Denmark and learned Danish but now I'm inspired to learn another language.  On the way to Chichen Itza we saw several towns in Mexico and I was shocked by how these people live.  We saw numerous houses that were clearly nothing more than sticks tied together to make a house.  It was an eye-opening experience.  It gave me a new perspective on how much we take for granted.  I didn't see many houses with air conditioning or even windows or doors just curtains covering the openings and hammocks inside the houses.  Although I did see one house that was just sticks tied together to make a shack with a satellite hanging off the side which caused me to wonder.  I asked one of the workers at he resort that we got to know well about this and he said their culture is very different from ours as we could tell but the government will subside the satellites for people.  I may have gotten confused with the way he put it but it still seemed so sad to me.  On the 2 trips we took, I was floored by the number of women and children selling crafts.  Everywhere we went we were approached by people asking us to buy things from them.  We had to wait about 10 minutes on the island trip to get back on the boat and these people just kept approaching everyone loaded down with their handmade bracelets, anklets, hammocks etc trying to get people to buy from them.  When we were at Chichen Itza they had numerous hand carved statues and whistles and crafts that when we were approached to by during our tour.  Our tour guide kept having to shoo these people away so he could give us the tours.  We learned that what they sell is how they make their livings.  They make these crafts at night and then try to sell as many as they can during the day to pay for their houses, clothing, food, materials to make more crafts etc.  We've been other places and see the stands set up for the vendors but never been approached so many times.  And at the resort we stayed at, all the workers were very hard working.  I saw this guy every morning dragging chairs and umbrellas out to the beach to set up for the guests and every evening dragging them back in and he always had a smile on his face.  Whenever I thanked someone for anything they did for me the response was always a smile and a genuine "it's my pleasure."  What I learned from questioning many of the staff and talking with them is they are genuinely happy to have a job to make money to support themselves and their families.  It made me realize how much we take for granted that luxuries we have here in the US and how blessed I truly am. I honestly can't wait to go back to Mexico and see more sights because their's sooooo much to see there.
Sunday I had to jump right back into mom mode with taking several trips into town for the kids and I went grocery shopping while I was in that general directions.  I guess everyone didn't get the sense of renewal and gratitude I did because people were so rude and in a hurry.  I was heading for the checkout line and an older man actually ran to get to a line ahead of me.  I just shrugged it off and headed to the next line.  I found a little joy that when I was leaving the store, he was still standing in that line he had to hurry and get to.  Of course back to mom mode means back to running all around chasing kids.  Special K the 11yo is now on the middle school track team  so my tiny break I thought I would get from attending both middle and high school events is gone but I know I will find a way to work everything out.  My April calendar looks the busiest so far with track meets, cheer tryouts, church activities, doctor appointments, and various club activities but I have a new outlook on things.  I'm unbelievably blessed not only with the fact that in this economy I can stay home and be involved with everything my kids do but also that my kids are healthy and active and want to be involved in everything they can.  Besides, April will have nothing on May, June and July when at least 3 of the 4 kids get active in base/softball and we start getting ready for fair! :)

Hope all of you take a moment and thank God for the blessings He has given you.  I almost forgot to mention!  The 3rd day of the month is one of my favorites because in my daily bible readings I always get to read my favorite verse: Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.